This is my journey to meditating twice daily for a year, in preparation for a 20 day silent retreat. It is my check-ins to relate my thoughts, and finally write that blog!
First night meditating was difficult. The timing was the challenge; we had a late family dinner around my retreat’s bed time, and I was stomach full of food when I sat down on my cushion. Nauseating.
My mind was screaming to get me to my bed, 3 feet away.
Every 5-10 minutes, it would jolt me with a thought of the warmth of my blanket; or the peacefulness of sleep. Fear of hearing a mosquito throughout the night and then getting up tomorrow early enough for my morning meditation sit before the busy household starts. Or the myriad of things to the done around the house. Or amplifying the pain that was happening around the body for sitting still. I wound keep checking my watch at each disturbance, until I realized that was a trick by my mind too.
And somehow I managed the hour.
An experienced student I met on the course said that rough sits are wonderful. They are exactly what we were going through on the first few days of the course. And a chance to be mindful of our craving for the blissful sits that are sensationalized by pop culture. The quality of experience isn’t the point; our awareness of the sensations and our equanimity toward them is.
And I didn’t hear a mosquito and woke up by 6:30.